Seeking Love After Divorce

I found it particularly interesting that 85 percent of people reenter a relationship after 1 year of divorce and 21 percent reenter a relationship after 60 days.  I’m surprised by these statistics because at the end of a long term relationships there is often a mourning period, time to reflect on why things didn’t work out and time to see the ex-beloved in a more human way. That idealistic view that the lover has of them is shattered, it no longer protects them when they make mistakes. There is a death of the person they once knew.

 I now wonder how many of these people have actually had a chance to mourn and how many just jumped at the opportunity to feel desired again. We have talked about the difference between love and desire. After being invested in something where ones heart is essentially on a chopping block,  I feel like a person would  want to run far away from that and leap into something that is consuming and certain- desire. Desire to be desired and to desire.  I also wonder how this effects the communication between ex’s, those who have a chance to mourn and then pursue a relationship and those who just jump into a new relationship.

Dr. Miller-Ott talked about the different forms of communication in her articles. There is some evidence present in her articles that those who have jumped into relationships sooner have less disclosure with their dating behavior.in some of her interviews people who dated more often feared giving their ex to much information would affect the level of respect and the amount of perceived responsibility they had for the other.

This topic has been very though provoking in an unexpected way. I think dating after divorce is about as close as one can get to the experience of starting to date completely. One has to shake off the identity they had with their ex and rediscover themselves- kind of like a new comer in dating, but they already have a clean slate. Those who are divorced and are co-parenting cannot completely drop the identity they had with the ex because they are still have little pieces of them in their everyday life, the children. And that is their greatest struggle, which is evident in Dr.Miller-Ott’s articles.