before sunrise response

There is no such thing as love at first sight it is lust at first sight." love" at first sight can be defined as a feeling or connection through what you see- they feeling of wanting to go nearer to that person has nothing to do with 10 years from now but all to do with 10 minutes from now. that is  how it often plays out in a romantic comedy these days they two main characters feel a sexual attraction to one another and begin a flirtation and within the first half of the movie have had sex near the end of the film after the conflict has been resolved the two have fallen in love and live happily ever-after.  In this film the two main characters talked to each other  and got to know intimate details about the other and it wasn't until near the end of the film that topic of sex even came up. the conversation resulted in the discussion of what sex can mean and how it will change their relationship.  Celine says "Actually, I think I had decided I wanted to sleep with you when we got off the train. But now that we've talked so much, I don't know anymore. " this line completely encompasses the difference between falling in love through conversation and love at first sight. after you get to know someone you care about how your actions will effect them and want to prevent hurting them. With love at first sight  lust rules ones actions, the feeling of the other is less significant then ones selfish desire. That is why there is often a conflict in today's romantic comedy's  the selfish desire ending up hurting the other.  love is more then just a single moment when you first meet. that is never love that is desire love is what  Celine says "When you talked earlier about after a few years how a couple would begin to hate each other by anticipating their reactions or getting tired of their mannerisms-I think it would be the opposite for me. I think I can really fall in love when I know everything about someone-the way he's going to part his hair, which shirt he's going to wear that day, knowing the exact story he'd tell in a given situation. I'm sure that's when I know I'm really in love."  

Annie hall

" Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs" 

Alvy says this after telling a joke about a man who thinks he is a chicken. the closing narration in the film speaks a truth about many relationships. so often we get involved in relationships  because at a certain age we feel that it is almost socially unacceptable not to be paired up with someone. we being a search for a companion before we even know what it is we want, only to decide later why the relationship isn't working. if the relationship is particularly bad  the person you spent all that time with gets reduced to their faults and maybe even get a nick name. some of my friends have reduced exs to names to things  like Guitar girl, the Lesbian, the Frat guy, and the Derp.  later the faults of the past relationships are used to propel us into the arms of  another, someone very different. we test out suitors  to see  if they could possibly be the  missing piece. often times its like forcing a square peg in a round hole. we continue to do it any way because we need the egg. we need desire and hope it will evolve into passionate love. Woody Allen's film is refreshing because the relationship doesn't work out in the end and neither is awfully heart broken but take a little something with them for when they enter  a new relationship. it is realistic and the complications and insecurities of   the two main characters  are relatable. they both constantly  wonder if there personality's mesh and if it will be worth the sacrifice to have to do things that are inevitably outside of their comfort zone.  the quirkiness  of the two characters allowed for the kind of pessimistic tone of the movie to be  lighthearted and for the message to seep into the audience  instead of hitting them in the head with it. 

New Yorker Artical, Kristeva and Kissing Jessica Stein

     Kristeva puts it perfectly " [love is] the experience of having been able to exist for, through, with another in mind"  and at the same time  " love is solitary because incommunicable."  when in love the mind begins to open up to life in a way that it never has before, you begin to plan for not only yourself but for someone else; that persons morals and objection begin to matter above your own. one begins to meld into the person they think they  need to be, blurring the already  unclear image of the self. I think that is  why heartbreak is one of the greatest pains a person can know, you have to start over and  are now overcome by self doubt. but love is also held to such a high regard for the very same reason. you get the opportunity to test yourself, step outside of your comfort zone and be someone you never thought you could, like Jessica  Stein. She realized that she didn't know herself as much as she had previously thought, once she accepted this she was able to open up and become the artiest she has been meaning to be, and further more was able to inspire those around her. maybe this is the reason love is solitary, it leads to the experience of letting go and becoming more in tune with the self.
    There are are not nearly enough words to express the emotions of love, so words become inadequate, and physical expression becomes the language.one of the ways to make the solitude of love more like a union between  a couple is acting upon desire. desire can not always  breed love but can love is incomplete without desire.

Annie Enraux

" I behave in an artificial manner.The only actions involving willpower, desire,and what I it take as human intelligence, were all related to this man..." Enraux's perception of time revolved entirely around A. her life became when A was apart of it and an emptiness when he was gone. she no longer had a present, her time spent looking back at the memories of their time together, or dreaming about how they will spend time together once again.  she never knew when to expect him so she became obsessed with preparing. her constant longing and retracing the steps of the relationship was a bit extreme. she had no concept of the life she was currently living and refused to see past their relationship.she knew what they shared was temporary and that his feelings may not be all that strong for her, because what he was there for was sex. but I suppose  the reason she was so obsessed was because she knew at any moment it could end. in more traditional relationships the opposite occurs, you tend to image that the relationship will last long term and in some cases forever. the thought that every encounter with A could be her last caused her to dissect each moment shared, each moment moving forward was lack of time left.this all relates back to our ongoing conversation about desire. desire is an attempt to fill a lack of something, and her lack was time.

my love by sia

I had quite a bit of trouble picking one song for this assignment. There were so many songs that came to mind from various artiest from different genres and relaying different messages about love, courtship, and heartbreak.but this one makes me emotional every time so I picked one of my favorite songs My Love by Sia. 

Click Here for the Lyrics  

to me this song is about the moment that you give your heart to your lover and then the reciprocation. this song represents ideal love, where both people give and take equally and are able to become better people because of the ways that the lover is able to complement them. This song is also about the surrender of ones self for a lover. the song starts out and also ends with the same lyrics:

MY love

leave yourself behind

beat inside me 

leave you blind 

the line leave your self behind relates to the idea that, when in love you become one with your lover and are no longer are separate entity. When you leave yourself behind you are engulfed by love and are free from any other baggage, all that matter is the here and the now. beat inside me makes reference to the heart. the heart is an organ that is essential to life, so this lyric is meant to convey that this love is such that you cant live without , nor would you want to. leave you blind relates to the idea of rose colored glasses, remain blind to the reality of the other person and the reality of life outside of them.  this song is also about loss; Tonight you will sleep for good... Now I am strong , You gave all you had and now I am home. Throughout our discussion we talked about how death is predominant in love stories because once one obtains desire the only thing left to keep this alive ironically, is death. I think the same idea can be applied here.
But above all this song is beautiful musically, it touches my heart every time I hear it.

It’s easy to say the bad girl treated Ricardo poorly and he loved her so unconditionally so their relationship is one-sided. Maybe it’s the romantic in me, but I feel despite her denial, she felt something strong for Ricardo. The bad girl had the abilities of a chameleon and, she still always allowed Ricardo back in her life. She aspired for more and didn't want to settle down into anything in the fear that she may disappear, but with Ricardo she never had to worry about being less then important. She loved him in the only way that she knew how. It’s not conventional and she can easily be written off as a horrible deceitful woman but with every opportunity to be gone and stay gone she allowed their relationship to pick up where it left off without pause.  She feared that if she let their love run its course their desire would cease, she says on page 209 “you’ll never live quietly with me, I warn you. Because I don’t want you to get tired of me, to get used to me. And even if we marry to straighten out my papers, I’ll never be wife. I always want to be your lover… because I’ll always keep you crazy about me.”

This book reminded me of that obscure object of desire because no matter what Conchita did, Mathiue always went back. The fact that the bad girl like Conchita was always changing, is because it was never just about the women it was about the desire. In each stage of Ricardo’s life the bad girl fit into the Ricardo’s life styles, changing to stylish women of the time.  even at the end of the novel with her impending death, all he wanted from her all along , was to be settled and happy and in his old aged he got exactly that.  This book allowed me to see that desire is fleeting, always changing as you progress, but love is undying and  can stay In the heart dormant, ready to surface at any given moment, fully. Like they always  “distance makes the heart grow founder.” 

The Bad Girl

Lilly’s character is constantly undergoing  change, being the women she needs to be in order to further advance toward the women she wants to be . Even as a teenager she knew that best way to be accepted was to be something new and exciting , representing culture and knowledge. As time passed she matured and become the personification of sophistication, something she always envisioned herself to be.  Her successes are a result of the desire of the men she gets involved with, they offer her the world and in return she lets them THINK she is theirs.  Robert frost once said “love is the irresistible desire to be irresistible desired”.  All of the characters in the books we have read wanted to be desired by their love above all, and that was the fuel for them to continue their pursuit; if I make them love me all will be complete. Lilly is aware of this, she never really gives any of the men in her life the satisfaction of knowing that she desires them as fully as they desire her.  Lilly is called the bad girl, but isn't she just living her life to the fullest never letting the reality of it get to her? She does what she needs to do in order to make a life for herself, not complaining but just doing. I’m not applauding the way in which she does this, but I am applauding her incentive.

Lilly keeps Ricardo around because he loves her unconditionally.  Ricardo makes the same mistake Charles and Mathieu made, desiring too much and being blinded not allowing the reality of the situation create clarity. My question is why do we want to be desired so badly, yet when we are desired to much we feel suffocated and often times end up using that person when we need to make ourselves feel better?